Why does our species keep making such flaming pieces of human garbage famous? It seems that the farther along we get over the course of human history, the more ridiculous our famous people become. Rappers nowadays sport pink frosted dreadlocks with weird glasses and questionable face tattoos. And you know what? People still seem to revere them. The average IQ and social awareness of these new artists are approaching zero at break-neck speeds. We’ve given the world to a bunch of whiny baffoons with nothing to say. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the rise (and hopefully fall) of Bhad Bhabie.
Born Danielle Bregoli in March 2003, this insignifiCUNT made her debut on the Dr.Phil show with her dipshit of a mother on September 14, 2016. She was featured on the show for a segment that had to do with her mother basically wanting to abandon (or set fire to) her lifeless corpse. This was probably due to the fact that governmentally subsidized housing developments for retarded, wannabe-black teenagers don’t exist. Some of her more notable crimes include grand theft auto, trying to frame her mother, and having absolutely zero command over the English language. As a result, the audience laughed at her feeble attempts to carry a conversation on live TV. Their laughs, coupled with her inability to speak, led to her desire to fight the audience and her infamous catchphrase: “Cash me ousside. How. Bow. Dah.” This truly is the darkest timeline.
In short? Everything. In a world rife with famine, disease, war and aids, this bitch is still the worst. She represents everything a person should never aspire to be. Her entitled attitude and blatant disregard for human decency should be enough to make your piss boil. But if it isn’t, let’s take a look at some of the key areas to focus on:
Much like the rest of her public persona, her music is dogshit. She sings just like she speaks: like she constantly has a dick in her mouth. The song “Gucci Flip-Flops” is a crime against hip-hop. The entire thing is barely comprehensible and is essentially an unintelligible homage to consumerism. It’s shallow, repetitive and downright awful. The lyrics “Gu-Gucci flip-flops, fuck it, hit your bitch in my socks, this a big watch, diamond drippin’ off of the clock” don’t even make sense. In other words, her music is trash. The basic takeaway from this verse is that she enjoys hitting other people’s girlfriends with her watch, barefoot. At least have the courtesy to wear proper footwear when beating the shit out of other people.
The song features an artist (if you could call it that) named Lil’Yatchy. Lil. Fucking. Yachty. How far we’ve strayed from the great “Lil’s” of our time. Lil’ Jon, Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Kim. All of them rolling in their piles and piles of royalty cash as they shed a single tear for hip-hop from the early 2000’s. Her association with these sorry excuses for rappers discredits her work even further.
Bhad Bhabie has committed multiple crimes. Between getting caught with pot (which, honestly, we encourage) and framing her mother for drug possession (which we don’t), she’s kind of a colourful character. When she appeared on Dr.Phil, her mother mentioned that she routinely runs away from the house. In addition, she self admittedly has an extremely volatile temper and would smack a bitch in the face at the slightest provocation. She was even sent to a camp for troubled youth on Big Daddy Phil’s dime. You can probably guess that it didn’t really help. Esecially considering what she became afterward.
What we have to remember, ladies and gentlemen, is that we made her this way. Western culture creates personalities like Bhad Bhabie because, at the end of the day, we’re fucking bored. We like to give dumb people a shitload of money and quietly watch them crash an burn. But it’s time to end the cycle. It’s time to stop making people like B-had fucking Ba-habie famous.