Cheating in school is a time-honoured tradition. How many of you can actually say that you got through your entire academic career without it? Whether it’s peeking at your neighbour’s sheet or straight up reading your notes off the back of a calculator, everybody’s had help at some point. Let’s face it though; some people just plain suck at it. Cheating is not something you want to get caught doing—especially once you get to college or university. The penalties for being caught out are far beyond a simple slap on the wrist. In other words, you better be pretty good at it if you want to succeed. It’s important to know how to employ various different techniques so you’re don’t have to rely on the same gag every time you take an exam. So here it is: the comprehensive guide to cheating in school (and even) college.
Many people probably believe that cheating is a bad thing. Well, those people are fucking wrong. Learning how to cheat is an incredibly valuable life lesson. It combines two very prominent parts of the real word: actions and consequences. Learning how to circumnavigate the system will give you a huge leg up in life. It outlines the fact that life isn’t fair, and if you don’t take advantage of these shortcuts, other people will. Cheating is part of the game—but so is getting caught. If the action is cheating, then the consequence is getting caught. Learning how to cheat in the confines of an academic environment is like a dry run for learning to take shortcuts in real life. It’s all about being realistic. Fucking deal with it.
The short answer to this question is simple: don’t. That’s why you’re reading this guide, isn’t it? But we understand, you wanna know if you can handle the time when you do the crime. In most universities, the punishment is pretty straightforward. You fail the class. However, depending on the professor—or the university—the result could be far worse. So be aware of the consequences. Some punishments could go as far as marks on your permanent record and university expulsion.
This is where the fun part starts. The following paragraphs will provide you with a detailed outline that explains each different cheating technique from start to finish. This includes taking exams, writing papers, finishing problem sets, the whole shebang. Here are some creative tactics you can use to cheat in college.
This one’s a classic. You all know how exams go. The invigilator checks your desk and your pencil case to make sure you don’t have any notes in your area. You know what they don’t check though? The bathrooms. One of the best ways to cheat in college is to hide some of your class notes in one of the bathroom stalls located on the same floor as your exam room. You have access to this information weeks before the big day. So take advantage of it. Hide them well. Once the exam is well underway, you’ll have had time to identify all the questions you don’t have a chance in hell of answering. Then you ask to go to the bathroom. The reason you need to hide them well (and inside a stall) is that someone will be there with you. Then it’s a simple matter of checking your notes and getting back to pass the test.
Most people don’t know this, but professors don’t actually make their own fucking exams. Well, they kind of do. Most exams are comprised of questions that come from either A) previous exams, or B) a question bank. One of the best ways to cheat is to get your hands on these questions before the exam even starts. The internet is full of question banks—and it’s not exactly difficult to find an alumnus with old exam sheets to look over. If you’re lucky, you can get a copy of the entire exam from shady TAs or a pissed off member of the administration… at your own risk.
When you want to cheat in school, one of the oldest tricks in the book is to scope out the smart kids. At the beginning of the semester, it doesn’t take very long before it becomes abundantly apparent that there are three types of students. The weak, the strong, and the resourceful. Unfortunately, this only works during midterms and small quizzes. Final exams generally have measures in place that won’t allow you to sit next to whoever you want. But hey, nothing wrong with collecting a few good marks throughout the semester. Just sit next to them and make sure they like you enough to let you take a peek at their paper.
Want to cheat in college but don’t wanna try very hard? Use your cell phone. This is a ballsy move because let’s be honest, it’s probably the one thing invigilators are actually looking out for. Be sure to keep your brightest down and turn your sound the fuck off. Don’t be the asshole who lets their phone go off in the middle of an exam—especially if it means you get expelled in the process.
Tons of finance, stats and accounting exams require you to remember a fuckload of rules and equations to answer their questions. Use the back cover of your calculator to hide your notes. Make sure you stick them securely to the back so you don’t have loose post-its hanging out on your desk. Write extremely small to optimize space and get the most out of your cheat sheet.
Skirts and low-cut shirts are a cheater’s best friend. If you just so happen to be gifted in the cleavage department, you can hide small flashcards on the inside of your shirt (and if you aren’t, consider a push-up bra). Unfortunately, these won’t be able to fit that much on a small card. That’s where the thighs come in. Shorts or skirts, this technique does not discriminate. Write your notes with a fine black pen directly onto your skin. You can uncover and cover them as needed throughout the exam.
Little known fact, you can actually pay your classmates to write your papers for you. It’s usually pretty low risk—unless the person you buy your paper from is careless as fuck and sells the same ones to multiple people. So be careful who you decide to buy from.
This is really the softest form of cheating. It’s completely risk-free and can save you a lifetime of wrist pain and strained eyeballs. You will have to actually study these notes, but still, beats the hell out of going to class every day.
At the end of the day, school’s not that fucking hard. But if you’re a lazy cunt like the rest of us, these tips will make getting your degree an absolute breeze. You’ll be cutting corners all the way to executive business lunches and tearing up some hot co-worker ass before you know it.