Learning how to skip school is the cornerstone of any well-rounded education. It doesn’t matter if you’re in high school or university, no student should ever have to endure a full week of education. It’s a scientifically proven fact that most students can only absorb up to 4 hours of lecturing per day. That means that any more than 3 classes in a day is just a big waste of time. The following paragraphs will outline the best way to skip school while keeping a respectable GPA.
The key to running a successful skipping operation is to make sure you remain unnoticed at all times. First of all, make sure the teacher has no idea who the fuck you are. This means laying down a good foundation of never answering questions in class and minimizing engagement when you are in attendance. If they don’t know who you are, they sure as shit can’t tell whether or not you’ve been coming to class. If you can manage to keep a low profile, you won’t have to worry about your professor recognizing when your ugly mug isn’t in class.
Something they don’t tell you in kiddy school is that having smart friends will go a long fucking way. The best way to skip school is to make sure one of these smart motherfuckers is sitting somewhere in class taking notes whenever you’re not. That’s how to skip school like a professional. Don’t get us wrong though, it’s not cool to use your friends. If they’re as smart as they appear, chances are they’re probably gonna be in class anyway. Be sure to buy them a few shots next time you’re both out at the bar as a little thank you for when they save your sorry ass come exam time.
A good phone has tons of uses when it comes to skipping school. The best way to skip school using your phone is by far the recording app. This thing is fucking genius. As long as you buy a phone with a good microphone, you can record entire lectures without ever setting foot in the room. So while you’re in the library trying to catch up on other classes you’ve already fucked up, your phone is out there learning for you! On the flip side, it’ll also come in handy when you inevitably forget and end up having to take 600 pictures of 600 pages of notes instead. But shit, those hundreds of cases of Pabst blue ribbon were definitely worth the effort.
So many cocksucker professors count attendance as part of your grade in university. Some even fail you if you miss too many classes. Lucky for you, most universities employ the use of these stupid fucking electronic clickers to take attendance at the beginning of class. While it makes things easier for them, it can also afford you the unique opportunity you need to pass your clicker on to that smart note-taking friend of yours for a perfect attendance score all semester long. Just don’t get caught or you’ll have to deal with a super unpleasant visit with the academic dean.
There you have it. With a few good friends at your side, you should be able to cut class with the best of them. And if you don’t have anything friends, think about consulting our guide on how to make friends at college. Everybody needs a good buddy anyway. Learning the best way to skip school is a life skill that you’ll use a cherish for years and years to come.