How to Have a Cottage Party

Having a cottage party is one of the best ways to celebrate any kind of milestone event. That’s why it’s important to learn how to have a cottage party that’ll blow the minds of everyone in attendance. In order to get the job done properly, there are a number of things you’ll need to take care of. Think of it as a checklist for having an awesome time. For the purposes of this guide, we’ll be separating each of these items into different sections to ensure that nothing gets left out. So here it is: The Chalkdown’s guide on how to throw the perfect cottage party.

Buy booze ahead of time

One of the biggest mistakes partygoers make is to assume that they’ll be able to restock their supply when it runs out. FALSE. When you throw a country house party, make sure that you bring enough hooch to last the entire stay. It’s in your best interest to over-pack than to find yourself grossly underprepared. Don’t get us wrong, it is possible that your cabin party will have a liquor store down the street. But it’s always best to think ahead. Consider an unexpected liquor store to be an added bonus. Never take it as a given.

Pick the perfect location

In order to throw the perfect cottage party, you need to pick the perfect location. That means no backwoods murder houses that would give even the most inbred hillbilly the chills. Use your resources. AirBnB is a great way to find reasonably priced cottages for your party. You can see prices, house rules, maximum numbers of people and even pictures. These will all give you a great idea as to whether or not it’s the place for your party. Here are some of the things you’ll want to look out for in the cabin’s description:

  • Is there a pool and or ping pong table?
  • Does it prohibit noise?
  • Are parties prohibited?
  • Is it pet-friendly?
  • Is there a hot tub?
  • Does it include a pool?
  • Can you access a lake?

These are all important questions you should answer before deciding on your cottage.

Leave your pets at home

Even if the ad does say it allows pets, leave Fido the fuck at home. For one thing, pets will probably destroy your security deposit. Kiss that extra 50 bucks each goodbye. Also, consider how other’s feel about your little furry fuck before you assume they’ll be the life of the party. Some people get stupidly nervous around dogs and don’t want them anywhere near when they’re trying to relax. Wanna know how to have a cottage party? Leave the animals at home. This is for their sake as much as it is for everybody else’s. Do you want someone to drunkenly step on your cat? Or for someone to lead your dog out into the woods, lose interest and come back inside? Realistically, it’s just a terrible fucking idea.

Don’t forget your cottage party drugs

Drugs are an important part of the planning process. Who the hell wants to have a cottage party without a shitload of illegal substances? Weed is probably the most important. Not only is it mellow and relaxing, but it’s the one that the fewest people will have a problem with. It’s great for getting a light buzz on during the day when people aren’t quite ready to get fucked up yet. Shrooms are also a fantastic way to spend an afternoon out in the wilderness. You can go out on a nice spirit walk before coming down and joining the rest of reality for a debaucherous cabin party. Now, for those of you with more experience, there are pills and powder. A great way to spend the night, but keep it away from the squeamish.

How to have a cottage party in the winter

It’s easy to get things organized during the summer. People are far more willing to get up and out of the house to do something exciting. The wintertime, however, is a different story. People get complacent when it’s cold as fuck outside. Fortunately, though, there are ways to make a cottage party a little bit more enticing. For starters, try to find a place near a ski hill. Your friends will be far more inclined to make the trip if they have a little bit of extra incentive. Secondly, pick a cottage with a nice fireplace. Nothing beats a nice toasty fire when the heather outside can turn your dick inside out in a couple of seconds.

How to make your cabin party fun

So, once you get there, how do you make sure your party is any better than an evening in with a handful of friends? Well, for starters, you might want to have a drinking game or two on hand to get the ball rolling. Beer pong is a fantastic way to get the night started. It’s fun, inclusive, and affords those not playing the opportunity to place bets on the game that they’ll pay off by taking shots. Cards against humanity and cheers to the governor are also great ways to take the party from 0 to 11 real fucking fast.

Throwing the perfect cottage party is an art form that few people ever master. Follow these tips and you won’t have to worry about your country house fiesta sucking ass ever again.

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