Drinking in a club is nothing if not a costly ordeal. The first thing you want to do when out at a fancy establishment is to minimize your spending. Drinking in a club will cost you an arm and a leg. Ideally, you want to spend as little money as possible. But how do you do that and still get wasted? Luckily, our researchers at TheChalkDown.com have all the answers and tools you need to get the job done right. The following is a comprehensive guide to drinking in a club.
One of the biggest mistakes you can possibly make is actually buying drinks at the club. Clubs mark up their drink prices to an insane degree. A single ounce of liquor that costs the owner less than a dollar will cost you about 5 to 6 times that amount. Well, you know what? Those people can go fuck themselves. The best way to get back at these assholes is to get so drunk before arriving that you don’t even buy a single drink. First of all, it’s important to pre-drink properly. Ideally, you want to make sure that you’re pleasantly drunk, but not so drunk they don’t let you into the club. It’s all about finding the perfect balance.
Girls always want bottle service. It’s a proven scientific fact. Not only does it make them feel special, but it also makes getting a drink far less difficult. What you need to do is find a group of 3 female friends, and suggest splitting the cost 4 ways. The beauty of making a move like this is that girls don’t drink much. Because of this, you’ll get to drink as much as you want without having to apologize to everyone else. They’ll be done after one or two drinks, and you can kill the bottle. Most of all, be sure to pick the right people. While many fine ladies are world class light weights, some women can put it away better than you can. It’s important to know your targets, and know how much they’re capable of drinking.
Although it might be true that liquor is stupidly fucking expensive inside the club, it’s perfectly free if you keep it outside. One of the best moves you can make is hiding a bottle or a crate of beers in an alley outside the club. That way, once you get a stamp that lets you cut the line, you can sneak out and keep getting hammered for 100% fewer duckets. Then, once you feel like you’ve adequately lubricated your brains, you can go back inside and wreak havoc. The unsuspecting crowd won’t know how to deal with how sneaky drunk you’ve gotten, and you’ll either have a great time or get kicked the fuck out. The most important thing is to dodge the attention of any bouncers that might notice you’ve lost your balance coming out of the alley.
Another beautiful thing about having female friends is their tits. No, not just to look at, cleavage has the ability to hide a whole world of contraband. Your best friend can hide a whole handle of Captain Morgan right underneath her tits. If that doesn’t work, she can also hide a flask full of whiskey in the waistband of her stockings. While the bouncer will rigorously pat down a man, he won’t be nearly as thorough with a woman. Three cheers for the #metoo movement. Remember, always bring beautiful women with you next time you decide to go drinking in a club.
Clubs are home to a world of chaos and short attention spans. If you play your cards right, you can easily steal booze from unsuspecting partygoers who aren’t keeping an eye on their bottles. Fuck, if you think you’re slick enough, distract the barmaid and pour yourself a beer straight from the tap. Hard disclaimer: this could result in getting the living shit kicked out of you.
If you wanna go drinking in a club, you either have to shell out a fuckload of money or follow these rules to stay hydrated all night long. Consult our guide about what you should drink on a night out to make sure you have the best night humanly possible.