How to Date a Co-Worker

Dating is a fucking nightmare. Once you finish school, you’re opportunities for interacting with the opposite sex are few and far between (unless you feel like using those god awful dating apps). So where the hell do you find a woman (or man) to go out with you? What’s the one place you go every day without fail? Work. Dating a co-worker is the most viable option when it comes to finding the perfect match once you reach your late twenties.

Dating a co-worker is a delicate enterprise. You have to be careful and make sure that everything is clearly defined and respectful while adhering to company rules (unless you don’t give a shit about your job). Consensual sex in the workplace is a wonderful thing. So next time you decide to go after that hot piece of company ass, consider the following and have a happy and fun workplace relationship.

How to ask them out

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, asking your co-worker out on a date is a big deal. There’s a myriad of things you need to consider about the repercussions of this decision. But before we get into that, let’s talk about how to ask them out. You need to be poised when you make your move. You have to consider that there’s a very real chance that they will shoot you down. If that happens, you need to prepare to deal with the fallout and continue interacting with them as though nothing ever happened. It’s kind of like pooping at the office. Everyone is going to know it happened but you just need to act like it never did. When you ask them out, be respectful, be direct, and most of all, be clear with your intentions. If all goes well, you’ll be inside one of your colleagues before you know it.

How to act once you’re together

Asking them out is the easy part. The difficulties come mostly when you’re together. How are you supposed to act while at the office? Here’s a few rules for how to act as a couple in a professional environment:

1. No public displays of affection: Don’t get sloppy with your significant other if you’re going to be spending a lot of time together in an office setting.

2. Keep your head down: The fewer people who know that you’re a couple, the better. There’s nothing worse than becoming the center of office gossip. This is particularly problematic when it comes to jealousy. If your ugly mug somehow managed to lock down the office hottie, it’ll inspire feelings of resent. Mostly from those who didn’t have the balls to ask her out first.

3. Play it cool: When, despite your efforts, everybody does find out, play it cool. Don’t respond to the office gossip and try to downplay your relationship. The less people know about your personal affairs, the better. Don’t deny it, but try not to publicize it. Your business is your own, so enjoy yourself and try not to fuck it all up.

Dealing with a breakup

Not to be a cynic, but most relationships inevitably end. Unless you are absolutely sure you found the person you’re going to marry, you have to prepare yourself for a messy breakup. In order for this to work, you have to maintain a friendly relationship with your former lover. Unless you plan on changing jobs entirely, prepare for a breakup sooner rather than later. Talk to each other about the possibility before it even happens. Have an escape plan, so to speak. In any situation, it’s always important to see your exit before you need it. If at all possible, try to convince your partner that it was their idea to break up in the first place. Once it’s over and done, go back to pretending nothing ever happened at all.

To sum it up for you, treat the situation like any other kind of relationship. Just be sure not to flaunt it around the office like a village asshole. There might be some jealousy here and there, but more often than not, nobody actually gives a shit. So go after what you want, and try not to fuck everything up.

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